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Joke of the Day

"My man wants me to understand him better so I'm not getting my mustache waxed this month."

"I will punch you in the face. OK not really - but I will roll my eyes at you, hard."

"Why can't horses vote? 'Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave..."

"I was throwing banana peels at other cars because I'm out of turtle shells, officer. Duh."

"What was used to grow crops on Mars in the movie Martian? Good Shit"

"Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy? Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad."

"What do you call Mexican potato chips? Oles Potato Chips!"

"Welcome to Applebee's! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?"

"Why can't you hear the pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent"

"Whats the difference between a zippo and a hippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter."