78495

Joke of the Day

"DOC: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are? ME: Can't say I do DOC: That's one of the symptoms, yes."

"The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on a prenutshell agreement."

"Had to replace the condom I carry around in my wallet yesterday Just heard they have a 5 year expiry date."

"Bodyguard Idea: Clowns. No one will come anywhere near you."

"How can you make a basset hound fast? Take away its food!"

"Every time I try to make a mental note, I end up tripping and falling along a neural pathway."

"I'm forever disappointed that a group of squids isn't called a squad."

"""It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"" Whatever. The point is, it was two people with contemporary American names."

"Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for a night. Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for the rest of their life."

"What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Just put it on my bill."