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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people."

"This tub of margarine doesn't believe it's me."

"When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true. Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'."

"*golf pro picks up his ball and eats it* *audience claps politely*"

"Today I am the C.E.O of the ""I Don't Give A Sh*t"" Committee........ We Are Hiring"

"A chicken crosses the road... ..and meets 007 on the other side. ""What's your name?"" Asks the chicken. ""Bond, James Bond,"" Says 007. ""And how about you?"" ""Ken,"" Says the chicken. ""Chic Ken."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Curry ! Curry who ? Curry me back home will you !"

"Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad."

"[sex addiction group] ""Hi, my name is Fred, and as I've got a saxophone in my hand it's fair to assume I misread the ad"""

"Q: How do mathematicians scold their children? A: ""If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."""