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Joke of the Day

"""HONEY, MY TOOTHBRUSH IS MOVING!"" ""Has it got ears?"" ""YEAH."" ""Tail?"" ""YEAH."" ""Is it the dog?"" ""I THINK I KNOW THE DIFF--AH IT BIT ME AGAIN!"""

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An alligator in a vest."

"How do you make five pounds of fat look attractive? put a nipple on it."

"Yo' Mama Jokes Battle! I'll start! Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables."

"I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself ""she totally deserved to die""."

"Mumford and Sons next album is just going to be someone rubbing an antique burlap sack against a microphone for an hour."

"Remember when Indiana Jones risked having his arm crushed to rescue his hat? I'd do that for my iPhone."

"Pro Tip: You can slap anybody, as hard as you want, as long as you yell ""spider"" first. They may even thank you."

"In case you're thinking about having a kid, my daughter just threw a tantrum because I wouldn't let her watch me poop."

"Maybe snakes are always angry cause they don't have arms to hug with :("