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Joke of the Day

"In case you're thinking about having a kid, my daughter just threw a tantrum because I wouldn't let her watch me poop."

"When I drink alcohol, everyone says that I'm an alcoholic. But when I drink Fanta, no one says that I'm Fantastic."

"What rhymes with orange? no, it doesnt."

"Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career. At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it."

"Someone calls 911... Man : Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Man : Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Man : The ugly one is winning."

"Bowling is my favorite sport because you don't have to run and there's beer five feet away."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whatever."

"It's pretty silly to be afraid of spiders when most of them have probably never answered a text message with a phone call."

"As a non-US-redditor I don't understand why right-wing gun nuts don't get along better with left-wing SJWs... ...they both seem to love triggers so much."

"Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats."