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Joke of the Day

"I learned today that I'm still a reddit noob."

"Your mother is so ugly, that if she were the only girl in Texas... ...the Lone Ranger would be lonely for a loooooooooooooooong time"

"What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline ""PLAGIARISM"" have in common? THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!"

"They said to get in touch with my feminine side. So I did, and my next paycheck was 22% less."

"Him: I wonder if this dealership is open. Me: Are you stupid? The parking lot is full."

"So I walked into a bank with a bag of weed to deposit... The teller asked, ""what are you doing?"" I said, ""I wish to open a joint account!"""

"A father takes a deep breath and says ""Son, I think it's time you and I talk about sex."" His son took a deep breath as well ""Sure dad, what do you want to know about it?"""

"My wife is calling me Jeb Bush during sex Now I'll never come first."

"I can't believe I just found out R.E.M. split up. I suppose the rest of the band just weren't Michael's type."

"I don't want a Hot Pocket. I'd rather have a pocket with a nice sense of humor & a pleasant personality."