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Joke of the Day

"Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!"

"An old lady at an ATM asked me if I could help her check her balance... So I pushed her over."

"Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work."

"Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet? Crimea River"

"Your Mother is like Communism... Shared by everyone."

"Pssst! I'm voting. Does anyone know the answer to #4? And who do I show my tits for extra credit? That old lady doesn't look interested."

"Where do poor meatballs live? In the *spaghetto.*"

"What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison? A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)"

"Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010."

"I've never jumped onto a departing ferry or had a woman adjust my tie from behind me, you movie liars."