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Joke of the Day

"What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director? Steven Spellberg!"

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool? Flip it over!"

"Why couldn't the children see their father after his sex change? Because he was trans-parent"

"Where does the aardvark family always come first? In the phone book!"

"People who take things literally on twitter, stop. Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop."

"YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any."

"I asked to switch seats because there was a god damn SCREAMING infant next to me, and I couldn't sleep. They told me no. Apparently you're not allowed to move away from your own child."

"We saw the german chancellor fall down the stairs ! AUA !"

"In hell all the ball pits are filled with legos."