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Joke of the Day

"The worst feeling ever is when you miss someone but you can't even tell them you miss them because they are alcohol."

"Why doesn't Skrillex like to go fishing? Because he always drops the bass."

"What connects the computers in Sauron's office? A Tolkien Ring network."

"Be careful how much wine you drink, might end up vacuuming the driveway in your panties"

"While they're a lot of fun on Halloween, did you know most jack-o'-lanterns end up at the pound? Please. Next year, carve a puppy."

"What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor."

"Technology would be better if you could download sandwiches."

"It is so cold... fire hydrants are flagging down dogs to piss on them."

"I was going to write my argument essay on why Donald Trump is Adolf Hitler... But my professor said my thesis couldn't be a fact."

"Girl, you can call me RNA II Polymerase ... ...cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes"