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Joke of the Day

"""I just figured the 'H' was broken on your sign"" Nope, this is what I sell here. Now how many Doug nuts do you want?"

"Some people say that it's impossible to have fun and burn calories.. I suppose those people have never burned a fattie."

"Happy times with grandma One day I was eating my grandma out. Suddenly I tasted horse semen. ""I thought"" Oh yeah, that's how she died."

"Baby you're so cute you made my page 404."

"""...any reason why these 2 should not be married, speak now or..."" They're engagement photo only got 21 likes on Facebook! *crowd GASPS*"

"What does a camera have in common with a condom? They both capture that special moment."

"When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think ""THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"""

"How many times do I have to refresh internet pages before I'm happy?"

"Ran my first 10k this morning. ...I'm kidding, I'm on my second Milky Way."

"me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot"