77533

Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!"

"If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear... Would Greece help?"

"ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean"

"Dad, I don't wanna sleep with my little brother anymore! - I know, son, but I already told you that we don't have enough money to bury him."

"Guy gets wife roses. She says ""I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?"" He says, ""Why, we don't have a Vase?"

"I walked into a Jamaican cafe, I was hungry and a' thirstin'. I asked the barman for a tot of navy rum and a pie of some description. He said we got no rum and no pies, no rum and no pies."

"Just bought a Subaru & it came with wet rescue dog nose marks on the windows, some pot & Whole Foods environmentally friendly shopping bags."

"What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist? A sadist is honest about his intentions. ____________________________________ That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?"

"On my last flight I watched a woman in front of me pull out her hair and eat it until I fell asleep. Can't do that in first class."

"""Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred."" ""So just the normal way you make a martini then?"" ""That's right."""