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Joke of the Day

"Went to a shrink today. She said I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other b*tch!"

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"What do churches and guns have in common? They both go PEW PEW PEW"
"How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright? Shine a torch in her ear!"
"If threesome is sex with three people...... .....and a twosome sex with two people, I guess I know why I'm always called handsome. (Btw, is this a repost? I hope to god not.)"
"What do you call a set of computer generated jokes? A comedy subroutine"
"Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?"
"FITNESS COACH: Have u been reaching your target heart rate each morning *Flashback to me replacing the snooze button with an airhorn* ""yes"""
"i think a group of white people should be called a brunch."
"What did Jose name his son? Hose B"
"I wish I was in better shape but I also wish I could fast-forward this pizza tracker."