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Joke of the Day

""" Let me be perfectly clear"" - My Aquarium"

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"When you don't even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say ""now let's try this again."""
"Apparently, if you Google ""boss"" and ""chloroform"" from your work computer, it sets off an alarm somewhere."
"You know, sometimes bad things happen to exactly the right people."
"I went on a caving trip with my friend. I shouted to him that I found some Basalt. He shouted back ""That's Gneiss!"""
"I eat bits of metal all day... It's my staple diet."
"What do you call someone who thinks Vikings are the best? a Norsissist."
"Q. Why do blondes have more fun? A. They are easier to keep amused."
"Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience."
"My parents always told me my grandpa was a magician. I never believed them until I saw him walking down the street when he turned into a bar!"