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Joke of the Day

"What is Hodor's favorite cereal? Raisin Bran."

"Why does Jesus eat at Benihana? Because he loves miso!"

"What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? One hundred sowsand bucks"

"If I can ever learn how to fold a fitted sheet, I will consider my life to be a successful one."

"My grandfather never forgave the Japanese for Pearl Harbor... ...until I explained to him that it was the Americans who made that movie."

"Sorry for the absence, my tweeties. My hubs and kids cooked their own dinner, and I've been unfreezing hell with a blowtorch ever since."

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use? Arab spring"

"Grammar is important. It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit."

"If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with ""Buy a penguin"". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome."