185086

Joke of the Day

"*Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding ""Because you stabbed him?"" FAIL ""Because he doesn't floss"" CORRECT!"

"First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took."

"I know the voices in my head aren't real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!"

"Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture"

"It's almost that time of night where I drunk text my ex ""I have to tell you something"" then shut my phone off."

"""BUT WE'RE DATING!"" the blonde screams, ""I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND."" ""You were"" Hefner chuckles. ""Now you're just some bunny that I used to know."""

"Donald Trump's campaign."

"What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!"

"Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? [NSFW] Because it's full of Arab seamen."

"I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, ""I'm crap at fishing and need some tips"". The man said, ""Okay, can you hold the line?"" I said, ""No""."