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Joke of the Day
"What's the worst thing about losing your hand You're also losing your girlfriend"
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"[Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time."
"Him: Wanna bump uglies, baby? Me: Ooh, yes please! * Grabs two ugly people and starts smacking them against each other. *"
"ME: any advice DAD: its ok to embellish a little [later at job interview] INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself M: i wrote harry potter"
"A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day... ...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar."
"how to get Rich Stab the motherfucker."
"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two."
"How does a handwriting analyst determine how his lover is feeling? He looks into his lover's 'I's."
"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? ""Hold onto your nuts, this isn't going to be an ordinary blowjob!"""
"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird."