75490

Joke of the Day

"Cop: ""You been drinkin?"" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny ""You're free to go.."" Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?"

"How is the world like a bag of jellybeans? Nobody likes the black ones."

"How do you blow square balloons? Blow square breaths."

"Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean? Student - that you need a smaller bra!"

"GF Trying to Find a 32 Bit version of MS Office. ""WTF, there is no 32 bit version. They are all 64 bit or x86."""

"Working on a theory that Johnny Depp died shortly after The Rum Diary and filthy scarves and wigs are simply wheeled onto movie sets now"

"I wish people would stop making fun of me for being fat. I have enough on my plate as it is."

"Did you hear that the saucepan beat the pot in a wrestling match? It was a real boil over."

"Girl, are you some good weed? because you smell dank."

"You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here."