75305

Joke of the Day

"[7am] *drinks 19 cups of coffee for work *can't stay awake [9pm] *takes a sip of coffee [2am] I should vacuum the dog"

"If you were out camping and woke up with a condom sticking out of your ass and didn't know why, would you tell anyone?"

"My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on"

"Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught."

"An American's ""inside voice"" is the rest of the world's ""outside voice""."

"How would it be living in an only men city? I think it would be tight at first, but then it would loosen up after a while."

"A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest."

"Did you hear about the football offensive coordinator who was republican? He was a conservative playcaller."

"What do you call fapping to dubstep? Wubbing one out."

"Between Trump and Clinton, who is more likely to start a nuclear war if elected president? America, with the missiles aimed at ourselves."