144554

Joke of the Day

"Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine."

"What's the difference between a spitter and a swallower? 10 lbs of pressure on the back of the head."

"Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Happy Holidays Fun!"

"Gay guys are fucking assholes."

"Tweriod: That time of the month when all my tweets are moody, retain water and are about chocolate and cheesecake"

"I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them."

"DATING TIP: add Free Wi-Fi' to your dating profile"

"I told this woman that I still had not forgotten how to make a spacerocket. You can not forget what you never learned."

"So there I was, balls deep in peanut butter, when I thought to myself, ""Peanut Butter is an odd name for a dog."""

"ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer"