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Joke of the Day

"Why is it so important to fruits to get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it..."

"Why did the blonde woman have bruises around her belly button? Because blonde guys arent that smart either..."

"Believe in yourself. Build a religion around yourself. Canonize your quotidian tasks. Build idols of yourself in your best outfits."

"What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke? Yours."

"If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out."

"Why do hamburgers act brilliantly on stage? They give meaty performances - especially if they are in their prime!"

"what idiot called it a best man instead of a lord of the rings"

"If there is a better way to memorialize your parakeet than by tattooing his name on your ass, I'd certainly like to hear it."

"Me: How do Minions wear overalls? They don't even have shoulders Therapist: I meant is there anything else bothering you about your marriage"