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Joke of the Day
"2 peanuts are walking in the park. One is assaulted."
Next Joke
"What's Hitler's favorite football team? Forty NEIN ers."
"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"", but the Scotsman says ""Hey! McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""
"Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading ""Hungry Hungry Hobo"". I shouldn't laugh right?"
"Pigs Standing next to pig processing plant when I heard all the machines firing up and smoke started bellowing from the stacks. Only thought is, man that place is going full boar"
"A horse moved next door to me yesterday. I heard that they make good neighbors."
"If I were Luke Skywalker it would have taken me about six minutes to turn R2-D2 into a bong."
"The nominees are Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio And the winner is *opens envelope* mad max fury road"
"If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I'm about as self-helpful as they come."
"Everyone preaches body acceptance, until you show up naked at the company picnic."