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Joke of the Day

"What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, ""who emptied the dishwasher?!"""

"If dolphins are so smart, how come they're never on Jeopardy?"

"What is it called when Michael J. Fox smokes a joint? Shake N' Bake."

"Did you hear about the mod that got pissed off? [deleted]"

"I was in the mall the other day, and suddenly I found myself on the top floor ""Boy"", I thought to myself, ""that sure escalated quickly"""

"If i had $1 for every time i got called beautiful.. I'd have $1. Thanks mom."

"Ban pre-shredded cheese... Make America grate again!"

"My friend is mad at me because I saw her using a huge tablet to make a call so I offered her a gas cylinder to light her cigarette.."

"My grandfather once told me 'When i was your age, I thought I was going to be 10 all my life too. So I said 'And when I was your age, I didn't believe in reincarnation either'."

"Brussel sprouts are like blow jobs If you get 'em forced down your throat young you'll never have a taste for them when you're older"