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Joke of the Day

"He was a good dog. He was a beautiful, very good dog. Who was a good dog? Who's a beautiful, good boy? Was it you? It was.Dog obituary"

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"Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough."
"Shout out to all my people with split personality disorder You know who you are"
"[sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?"
"How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment? Zero. Feet are feet shaped."
"Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike's new slogan will be, ""Just Dew It""."
"Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from? Neil: I dunno where Buzz: the moooon haha .. .. *single gunshot* Neil: uh Houston we have a problem"
"What's worse then ants in your pants? Uncles."
"Vegetarian: *lists 100 reasons why I shouldn't eat meat* Me: Counterpoint: bacon."
"[on date] *okay don't let her know you're a T-Rex* Her: Can you pass the salt please? Me: Crap..."
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