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Joke of the Day

"WebMD says pregnancy symptoms are fatigue, tender breasts, irritability, cravings, and headaches. All chicks are pregnant. All. The. Time."

"Donuts aren't actually nuts... ...they're legumes."

"Me: OMG, Bill and Cindy got divorced!!! Hub: I know! He's got a fresh slate. That guys livin the dream! Me:... Hub:...his dream, not mine"

"(During sex) Pull my hair! No! Just the grey ones."

"Beauty is in the Eye of the: A) Holder B) Holder C) Holder D) Holder"

"A Segway segway Oh hey, speaking of Segways...."

"Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat ? To see if there was any more money in the kitty !"

"What are Starbucks two shipping options? Ground and federal expresso"

"[Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill...screwdriver... tape...there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done."

"What did Luke get for pulling Darth Vader's face mask off? A 15 yard penalty."