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Joke of the Day

"[first date] HER: I totally love Nirvana ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums HER: Nevermind ME Okay, forget about it then"

"Did you hear about the professor that got in a horrible wreck? He was grading papers on a curve."

"This one time in High School I ate an entire roll of quarters Shit was so cash"

"What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use? Ill-gotten gains"

"Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers."

"Why didn't the Irishman add another bean? He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent."

"Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side."

"I welcome new employees by leaving a candy bar on their desk. Then I drop by later and yell, ""Yo, who ate my candy? You're my bitch now!""."

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... hopefully with the exclusion of my money."

"What do you call of group of black people? A group, you fucking racist"