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Joke of the Day
"Why are straight men smarter during sex? Because they're plugged into a fucking know-it-all."
Next Joke
"Cop wives... Fuck the police."
"I am fluent in three languages...english, sarcasm, and profanity"
"Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women."
"One great thing about a cartoon avi is that I could be anything. I could be a 90-yo man. I could be a baby. HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M NOT A BABY!"
"Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised."
"One time I won a raffle in England, turns out it was for knighthood. Boy was I Sir prized"
"Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it."
"How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one knows. When the light turns on they scatter."
"I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now."