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Joke of the Day

"The Nintendo 64 turned 18 today Now you can legally blow the cartridges."

"I ll see myself out.. Did you know? You can buy a 2 pack of Eminem s for Fifty cent..... It s Ludacris"

"I thought revenge was a dish best served cold... Then I remembered it was actually the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands."

"Accounting joke: What do you call inventory that doesn't exist? Finnish Goods"

"I was just unfollowed by a guy with 10,349 tweets & 38 followers...I'm thinking that's the same guy at the park that talks to all the pigeons"

"[son hands me a picture he painted a school] That's great. Let's just put that in the 'maybe has epilepsy' pile."

"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"

"Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth"

"Build a man a fire, he is warm for a day. Light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life."

"How can you tell that the movie Martian is not realistic? Because Americans use imperial unit system."