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Joke of the Day

"I thought revenge was a dish best served cold... Then I remembered it was actually the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands."

"I'm wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday."

"How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb? Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm."

"So I told my secretary.... to go buy me a fighting stick, but the best he could find was a walking stick. Honestly you can't get the staff."

"Why should we call Indians Native Americans? Most of those ones over in Asia have never even been to the States."

"Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven."

"Notice at Church: Don't leave your mobiles, purses, wallets, handbags, girlfriends unattended. Others may think it is an answer to their prayers."

"I don't know why hippies made such a big deal out of it... all their records were groovy. All of them. -your dad"

"Why did Bibi Netanyahu lie on a couch licking his balls? Likud."

"From the man himself: What brand of gum does Neil DeGrasse Tyson chew? Eclipse."