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Joke of the Day

"I really like white dwarf stars... ...My favorite is Peter Dinklage."

"The worst part of Thanksgiving is all of the leftovers... and having to heat them up every time I want to eat since I quit cold turkey."

"My wife and I were supposed to have a conversation about my erectile disfunction. It never came up."

"[Rumpelstiltskin comes to take first born son] ""Give me what you promised unless you can guess my name"" Here ""Aren't you going to guess?"""

"I was asked to grade Caitlyn Jenner I went with a D-"

"How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 700 up votes I'll let you know"

"Going out with two gay men tonight; I know they're my competition, but I've seen them consume bananas and I think I can take them."

"My parents are a little weird...My mom wears my dad's clothes, and my dad wears my mom's clothes... They are transparents."

"Two muffins are in an oven The first one says its kind of hot in here. The second one says HOLY SHIT it's a talking muffin."

"If a tree falls on a woman, does she make a sound? The real question you have to ask yourself, is what was that tree we doing in the kitchen."