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Joke of the Day

"A new source of electricity is found! Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now. We can use that somehow."

Next Joke
 
"How's it hanging? directly below the point of suspension"
"""Did you just say something?"" ""Uhhh nope?"" ""Really? I could swear you just asked me if I wanted a hotdog."" ""No I didn't."" ""Good, because I'm vegan."""
"The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan."
"Why did the idiot stare at a carton of orange juice? It said 'concentrate' on it"
"I went to buy some classical music today... But I forgot my Chopin Liszt."
"If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth."
"Why did the cookie smoke weed? Because he wanted to get baked."
"""Newt Gingrich"" sounds like the name of a villain that JK Rowling made up."
"I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes."