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Joke of the Day

"Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? ""No!"" Oh really. And what's your first name? ""Indiana"" [jury gasps]"

"Playing Counter-Strike at an Airport in Belgium ""Terrorists win."""

"I fell and hit my head on my drum set today... Me: Dad, I think I have a concussion Dad: No son, you have a PER-cussion"

"Is that a booger in your nose? No, it's snot."

"I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need."

"What's the Mexican version of the Klan? Que Que Que"

"What do you call Pixar porn? Fucked Up"

"If you are dating a girl that doesn't like Star Wars... You are looking for love in Alderaan places."

"A zombie apocalypse would be so much funnier if we started burying people in those fuzzy duck slippers that quack when you walk."

"I put one slice of toast in my toaster and got two out... Must have been mitoastis"