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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God"

"Every girl loves when a boy whispers those three special words in her ear. ""Let's go fishin'."" Merica."

"Changing a light. How many niggers does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, one to drive the pink caddy and the other to change the light."

"What did Captain Picard call his poop? Captain's log"

"""What did Fifty Cent say to his Grandmother when she made him a sweater?"" ""GEE, YOU KNIT!?!?"""

"Oh, you thought my hair twirling was flirting? Actually, it was just me checking for split ends because you were boring the shit out of me."

"What did the black kid get for Christmas? My bike"

"Bro Transformers are real! Haven't you seen a big truck or a camaro? They are real. They just hide real good like chewbacca. And batman."

"Should I include ""hard working and honest"" in my resume? Applying for a software engineer's role at Volkswagen."

"Q: What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man? A: A car thief who can't drive!"