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Joke of the Day

"To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that"

"I was feeling down. My girlfriend told me to go somewhere that I haven't been in a while that would cheer me up. (NSFW) So I stuck it in her ass. I feel much better"

"I'll never understand cannibalism... But to eat your own."

"""Say hello to my knitted friend!"" -Scarfface"

"I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said ""4G."" My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk."

"How do you tell the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? Ask them to say the word **unionized**"

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! The job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in his jeans."

"My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice..."

"What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the backyard? Shoot her again."