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Joke of the Day

"My air fresheners for insane people got turned down... They said there wasn't any cents in making scents for people who don't make sense"

"The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff"

"""You're not leaving the table until you finish it, young man!"" --termite mom"

"When I had no money, I had few friends, but no enemies Btw, I still have no money, in case you were thinking of becoming my friend or enemy"

"I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a mirror."

"I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people"

"What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Isaac Newton died a virgin. Repost."

"My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like."

"What has wings a long tail and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant!"

"I learned from 'The Exorcist' That when it comes to souls, possession is 9/10 of the law. Changed slightly from a comment made by /u/boobiesucker"