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Joke of the Day

"A mathematician walks into a pizza shop... They request one pie. Upon getting a full pizza, they exclaim, ""You gave me twice as many radians as I asked for!"""

"*rubs lamp* Genie: ""you get three wishes"" Me: ""I wish I wasn't so alone"" Genie: ""k wow I'm like right here"""

"The last time you got a piece of ass... Was when your fingers slipped through the toilet paper."

"My girlfriend called me a misogynist today That's a big word for a female."

"I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation."

"If you find me dead after tweeting & driving, please hit SEND to get that final thought out there"

"What do you call the sexual tension between Hillary and Bill Clinton? The Bern"

"A Physicist sees a man about to jump off the Eiffel Tower He yells ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""

"I tried explaining to my girlfriend how hard it is to pee with a boner... Now she stands in the bathroom naked just to make it harder"

"so the new ghostbusters took a trip to the hospital recently and i.m over here like 'ladies, you have to wait.'"