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Joke of the Day

"Whenever my ex-girlfriend regrets her abortion... ...she just calls and talks to me for an hour."

"ME: [whispering]""Yes, 911? Someone's breaking into my house!"" 911: Stay calm. Do you have an address? ME: ""um no. I have on pajamas"""

"Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst"

"Chicken walks in to a bar... It's full of Roosters. Chicken says, ""I crossed the road for this?"""

"Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.The two in the front seat escaped unharmed but the two in the back bed drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!"

"- What do you do to relax? - I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know."

"Whats the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew Harry made it out of the chamber"

"[Mary Magdalene, in bed with someone else after Jesus dies] Him: You said his name again."

"What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine? There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!"

"Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle? Because he was a gold fish."