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Joke of the Day

"Whenever my ex-girlfriend regrets her abortion... ...she just calls and talks to me for an hour."

"Second chances: When it just didn't hurt enough the first time."

"According to this white t-shirt, I'm the BP of red wine."

"Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down."

"Whats the last thing that went through the suicide bombers mind? His ass"

"Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in. ""What is this? It tastes like hair,"" said one ungrateful child."

"[Baby crying in a movie theater] Me: ""What's his name?"" Parent: ""Ethan."" Me: ""The movie's starting, Ethan."""

"Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer, is this the end for the cat scan?"

"How do you use an african man to get people to meet your demands? You black male."

"chuck norris went on a hike up mount st helens on may 18 1980. then he had to take a dump..."