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Joke of the Day

"ME: [whispering]""Yes, 911? Someone's breaking into my house!"" 911: Stay calm. Do you have an address? ME: ""um no. I have on pajamas"""

"Welcome to AlzheimersAware.co.uk. Forgot your password? Of course you did."

"""Dad, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Dad: ""Well choose one honey, you can't do both""."

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"The Rainforest Cafe isn't realistic enough for me. Part of the restaurant should burn down by the time you finish your meal."

"Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies."

"a kiss makes your day, but anal sex maks your hole weak"

"If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road."

"Why wouldn't the skeleton go diving? He didn't have the guts for it."

"What do you call a drum that causes problems? A conundrum"