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Joke of the Day

"Necrophiles like their coffee like they like their women. Still warm."

"Why did the parrot fall out of the tree? Because it was dead."

"What did the beef broth say to the chicken broth? What flavor au jus?"

"They say that blondes are dumb, but I've gotten a brunette to marry me too."

"I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it."

"I'm not saying you started that fire, Billy Joel; I'm just saying that innocent people don't write songs to defend themselves."

"Why don't you ever watch old people have sex? You ever spread open a grilled cheese?"

"So there's a guy at my work that cleans all of the new stock that comes off the trucks before it hits the sales floor... We call him the palette cleanser."

"The girl that cut my hair said ""Is there anything else I can do for you?"" and now I'm permanently banned from Famous Hair."

"Some people are really tired after abortions... It's like they got life sucked out of them."