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Joke of the Day

"Basically, I'm paying for a gym membership just to have the keyring thingy so people think I actually go to one..."

"Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico? He couldn't find three wise men or a virgin."

"What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes? A bit neurotic."

"Dude yapping nonstop at the gym just said he works out in the afternoons to avoid people who talk. Is it okay to fling a dumbbell at him?"

"David Bowie was found in a three foot coffin. The coroner said it was a space oddity."

"I came up with a movie idea. A man's daughter is abducted. This man has has a unique set of skills and goes on a revenge rampage. But the idea was taken."

"When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist."

"What's the difference between Joan Crawford and an abortion doctor ? When Joan used a coat-hanger on Cheryl, she was already out of the womb."

"You're exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away."

"Monster now makes an energy drink which is part tea and part lemonade. The name of the drink is ""Rehab"", which begs the question... Is there something Arnold Palmer isn't telling us?"