142637

Joke of the Day

"David Bowie was found in a three foot coffin. The coroner said it was a space oddity."

"The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend."

"Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single"

"It's kinda sad that Shakira's hips are our generation's George Washington."

"Mickey: ""Minnie, I'm leaving you."" Minnie: ""What!? Are you fucking crazy!?"" Mickey: ""No, I'm fucking Daisy"""

"What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday? ""I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!"""

"I ordered the chick on page 3 in the Victoria's Secret catalog... But all they sent me was her underwear."

"[TIL] Subway uses artificial chemicals to keep their bread fluffy! Ooops, wrong sub!"

"Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza."

"Two corn muffins were in the oven baking. One turns to the other and says ""man it's HOT in here"" the other corn muffin replies... AAAAHAHHHAHAHAHHaaaaa A TALKING CORN MUFFIN!!!!!!!"