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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think ""I should move this mirror""."

"Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork."

"Drugs are a crazy thing What did jerry Garcia say to Bob weir when they ran out of drugs? Man this music sucks!"

"Pulled this one on my son today. Son: Dad, today is palm Sunday. Me (Dad): Gimme some palm. *receives high five* Son: *not entertained*"

"On Reddit, they say that you should never stick your dick in crazy. But this is not true. The problems only start when you take your dick *out* of crazy."

"""Paintings or it didn't happen."" - 1700's-1920"

"'Find a guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara ' lol mate ruin any part of my makeup nd ur gettin smacked down"

"HR- do you know why we called you down here today? Me- your broomstick is broke and you need a ride? HR... Me- a house landed on your sister"

"I hate it when my wife asks if I've been drinking and I accidentally respond with a 9-minute air guitar solo."

"I trimmed all the bushes in the front yard to make my house look bigger."