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Joke of the Day

"What has three feet but no legs? A yardstick."

"TOASTER OVEN: Do you really need another Hot Pocket? ME: You shut your mouth TO: If I shut my mouth will you stop putting Hot Pockets in it"

"If I ever got the chance to go on ""Jeopardy,"" I'd just buzz in on every question and answer ""what is love?"" until they made me leave."

"What did the leper say... What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!"

"[Therapist's Waiting Room] ME: you're gonna bring up that I always try to predict the future aren't you WIFE: yup ME: I knew it!"

"God Bless You"

"What does a bungie jumper and a condom wearer have in common? If the rubber snaps they're screwed. <----- this is a classic xD"

"I've always wanted to be in a circle jerk, but nobody else was interested... So I started cloning myself, and now I've come full circle!"

"What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly? A dead bird."

"I found a cheap prosthetic arm on Craigslist Secondhand"