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Joke of the Day

"I remember how my uncle died.. Driving an 18 wheeler rig down a long, icy road in the pitch black with no working headlights. He swerved and suddenly BAM! Cancer."

"Today and Tomorrow are in bed... Today is smoking a cigarette and looks over at Tomorrow who is sulking and says, ""I'm sorry you never come."""

"A guy at the DIY store asked if I wanted decking... ...fortunately I managed to get the first punch in."

"Are you from Iraq? Cause i wanna see you Baghdad ass up."

"I saw a woman with 12 breasts. Sounds strange, dozen tit?"

"I found my first grey pubic hair today. I can accept getting old, but it was in my Big Mac."

"""The toilet is overflowing."" -Sir Isaac Newton"

"Today marks 5 yrs of being smoke free!! Now I spend my time finding new places to hide the bodies of those who've pissed me off!"

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"

"A man walks onto an elevator There's a woman on it he looks at her says can i smell your feet ? The woman looks in disgust , no! She replies. Oh it must be your pussy then."