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Joke of the Day

"Today marks 5 yrs of being smoke free!! Now I spend my time finding new places to hide the bodies of those who've pissed me off!"

"What great song is associated with hamburgers and baseball? 'Steak Me Out to the Ballgame'!"

"I paid $600 to get off once Damn court costs."

"This morning someone phoned me and told me that I need to sort my fucking life out. It was quite a wake up call."

"Thinking of having kids? Practice getting small children ready to play in the snow by wrestling a pair of gloves onto an angry octopus."

"You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?"

"Europeans use euros shouldn't Africans use afros?"

"How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue."

"Once you hit the speed of light... Once you hit the speed of light, you have infinite mass. So you know what? That's my problem: I'm not fat, I'm fast."

"In a Mediterranean restaurant...(xpost /r/puns) What did the sick chef say to the bus boy? ""Oh man, I feelafal"""