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Joke of the Day

"I have a job as a gym instructor But it isn't working out."

"INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did... did it work?"

"Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion."

"Dana White has his cock so far up Joe Rogan's ass When he farts it stutters credit /u/Blackirishman"

"Science! A scientist is asked: ""So, how exactly do you make a hormone?"" His response: ""Kick her in the cunt!"""

"How many protesters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. Protesters never change anything."

"Did you hear about the silent performer that got sent to jail? He was sodomimed"

"How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso."

"*puts arm around you* You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl. *steals your pizza*"

"I am so glad that I poop in a toilet, rather than a bag. Given that I did that for 14 months of my life, perspective is a nice thing."