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Joke of the Day

"[at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? ""Dude that was in 1991."""

"Why did the cheese go to the museum? To get cultured"

"I'm at an age where ""getting lucky"" only means I have the house to myself..."

"Why did the updraft get pulled over? -It was speeding in a high shear zone"

"My new thesaurus is terrible in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible"

"I know my Valentines day will be full of garbage... ...because I'll get dumped anyway."

"Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd When asked about his personality, Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd replied: ""I don't give a flock."""

"So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company It's going to be called Game of Scones"

"Sleeping with me is a lot like sleeping with a stuffed animal. But that's only after I've eaten Mexican food."

"A joke about babies and cocaine What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!"