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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate when you do something out of the kindness of your heart & someone gets upset because you shoved a pack of gum in their mouth?"

"PSA: Always tip your prostitutes. Small tips are fine. That's what they get paid for."

"What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot... You fucking racist"

"The Whale was uneasy. ""I'm afraid Jonah is not satisfied with his accommodations"" said the whale. ""What gave you that idea?"" queried the octopus. ""Oh, I have inside information"" said the whale."

"What do you call a cheap hooker's snatch? Death Valley."

"What's the easiest way to kill a bison calf. Put it in the back of your SUV."

"This homeless guy asked me for money, I was like ""I don't think so, not with that ugly voice"""

"When I was a kid, I knocked out the power in my house. Mom said it was just a phase."

"Q: Why couldn't the faucet be within 100 feet of the pasta bowl? A: There was a restraining order."

"I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock."