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Joke of the Day

"Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much."

"My doctor is getting REALLY tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me."

"Did you hear the joke about ebola? Never mind, you won't get it."

"What do you and Ronda Rousey have in common? You will both be watching the next title fight from home."

"Why is a divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."

"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you. It's always going to be you. It's NEVER me."

"[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?"

"Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker."

"What did the tv get for Christmas? Replaced"

"I asked my mum what she had bought me for my birthday? She said, ""I've bought you an Apple Mac."" Most people would be over the moon with hearing this, I'm not 'cause... My name is Mac."