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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night... I thought I was more careful and smart than that, I swear! I typically check the tags on their feet first! :("

"[shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week"

"How much did the Olympic Games cost? About a Brazillion dollars."

"Not to brag but my son's friend said ""Your dad looks hot"" when I was cleaning the pool. She followed with ""Is that heat stroke?"" but still."

"A Hindu and Muslim together makes for a surprise equillibrium Muslim keep beheading the Hindu. The Hindu keeps reincarnating."

"What game is all the rage with the Ferguson rioters? Truth or Darren Wilson."

"I found Zoloft delays my orgasm Ey, Jack, you late."

"Crazy the only reason some people are starving and suffering in the world is because they aren't ""so blessed""."

"My cat just sneezed directly into my eyeballs so I'll probably be dead soon. Goodbye, guys. No, you can't have my stuff."

"Dont be a racist, be like Mario... he is an Italian plumber created by Japanese people, who speaks English, looks like a Mexican that jumps like a black man and grabs coins like a Jew."