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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field."
Next Joke
"Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission? He was always Stalin in his manual!"
"Speed was unrealistic because nobody riding a bus wants to live"
"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"
"ME: What tattoo should I get? TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please."
"I love my yoga pants. I have no idea what they have to do with yoga, but they're great for drinking, smoking and tweeting."
"What's the cheapest kind of meat. Deer balls, they're under a buck."
"What's a three letter word for Hell? DMV."
"I've decided to give karate a break for a little while... I guess you could say I am going on a HI-YA-tus."
"Don't succumb to peer pressure. . . . . . . Remember, none of your friends do."